Texas is currently leading the nation in uninsured residents, with nearly 1 in 4 Texans lacking health insurance. Some may hear that and think “Gosh, 25% of the state is uninsured? That’s awful! How can we change our policies so that is no longer the case?” But McCain adviser* John Goodman (no, not that John Goodman) hears that statistic and thinks, “25% uninsured? That sounds awful. How can we change our definitions so that is no longer the case?”

“So I have a solution. And it will cost not one thin dime,” Mr. Goodman said. “The next president of the United States should sign an executive order requiring the Census Bureau to cease and desist from describing any American – even illegal aliens – as uninsured. Instead, the bureau should categorize people according to the likely source of payment should they need care.

“So, there you have it. Voila! Problem solved.”

Well, yes. There you have it. And if we call AIDS “Ice Cream Sundaes” we can end that problem, too.

Goodman doesn’t just think we should stop using the term “uninsured” for no reason, though. He says only people who are denied care are uninsured, and since anyone can go to the emergency room, we’re all insured!

Needless to say, this is idiotic. For one thing, the definition of insurance is an agreement wherein one party receives payment from the other party in the event of a loss. Health insurance is where your medical bills are paid, not where you’re treated. By Goodman’s logic, everyone has life insurance, since we can all be dumped in a hole somewhere when we die.

For another, the emergency room does not, actually, have to treat you. They have to treat emergencies. But if you go in because you have an earache, they don’t have to give you the time of day, even though most of them will.

Then, of course, there’s the fact that every one who uses the emergency room as their primary care physician makes those of us with real emergencies wait longer. It’s a drain on hospitals when no one is paying for the services they dish out, and if you’re uninsured you’re likely not going to be able to pay the full tab, and it means they have less funds to devote to other resources. And if the doctors in the emergency room are treating earaches because some families don’t have insurance, that means I have to wait even longer for someone to look at my dislocated knee. It is not an ideal situation. Perhaps someone should explain that to Goodman, since it is seems to be something a person advising candidates on health care policies should know. (H/T)

*The McCain campaign is now saying that John Goodman is not an adviser. This is despite the fact that he’s been labeled as such elsewhere, and wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal where he was labeled “an unpaid adviser to the McCain campaign.”